February, 2012







Midnight Horse page 3

Tuesday 5:00 am. I own a horse. I call him Heavy Horse. He's very slow. I had to make a special saddle to hold me in when we slow down. I'm getting dressed today for a light trip on Heavy Horse. I'm making oatmeal with dried date pieces, walnuts, blueberries and maple syrup. I feed Heavy Horse his breakfast and saddle up.

5:45 am. I live near a deep cave. It's the only place, really, to have a horse like Heavy Horse. We head to the cave and descend into the cold, dank air. The deeper we go the slower we move.

5:53 am. I think it's 5:53 am anyway, as we go deeper into the cave time looses it meaning. A little farther and there is no time, no gravity to push or pull a pendulum. I gradually even loose my sense of the rythmic beating of Heavy Horse's heart. Fortunately Heavy Horse knows how and when to come back. Not to worry, we've done this a thousand times too.

I don't know what time it is but I do know that Heavy Horse has shifted the balance between the pushing gravity forces and the pulling gravity forces and we are now shrinking. Don't ask me how I now we're shrinking, it's something you can only feel in your bones.

As we shrink farther a bear passes us on his way out of the cave. We see lots of bears down here, especially in the winter. We're not afraid of them they're in a kind of a trance as they go by.

Farther down we go and smaller and smaller we get. It's utterly quiet down here, there's no wind and the cold dank air just hangs everywhere, dripping off the sides of the cave. I can't see it drip but every once in a while we touch the side of the cave and we get soaked.

We're now getting closer to our singularity. We're almost as small as one atom, yet still we keep shrinking.

We're now smaller than the atoms which make up the cave and still we shrink. There's nothing around us to touch anymore, just a great, dark void. Heavy Horse knows the way down here so I relax in the saddle.

I'm alone. We've reached the singularity. That point from which all was created in a single breath. I'm frozen in a snapshot of time. Everything in the universe is right next to me, within arm's reach, yet nothing is moving. There's no context for what I see and feel, just an instant frozen in time. I can't speak, even though the whole world would hear me if I could. It's a crazy place where there's no temperature, no sound, no motion, just a place of being. Being yet not yet being.

I know we're on the way out because I am aware of Heavy Horse under me again. The steady thump thump of Heavy Horse's heart rings into my being. This is the tricky phase where Heavy Horse and I work together to be sure we don't realize our existence inside of another atom. There's lots of room down here so it's easy to avoid them, but one can never be too careful at this stage.

We've grown big enough that we can push any errant atoms out of our way now so our rate of growth increases. Odd shapes blur past and disappear into tiny little specs. We get bigger.

Oh, we just bumped a wall and got soaked. As we get bigger we now see a bear on her way down so we gently avoid her as she passes us getting smaller and smaller until I can't see her anymore.

5:53 am. I can see a distant light at the end of the cave. It's the first light I've seen in a very, very long time. I begin to feel reconnected to all the other beings up here. The singularity is such a deep space for meditation but one never feels connected to anything else down there so the meditation holds no feelings.

5:55 am We can feel the morning coolness in the air which envelops us as we emerge from our cave. The sun quickly dries the cave water off our sides. I point Heavy Horse back to the stable.

5:59 am. I put Heavy Horse to pasture for the morning and find my cup of coffee. It's still warm, that's a pleasant surprise.

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